Are They Missing Out?
As we have entered our first week of homeschooling for this new year, I thought it would be encouraging and helpful to share my heart on a commonly asked question that homeschoolers may get. {spoiler: it never stops} I’m sure you have heard this question or some variation of it from a “well-meaning” individual. When that someone learns that you homeschool, the words just roll off their tongue:
“Do you feel like your kids are missing out?” or “Do your kids feel like they’re missing out?”
Friends. This is my MOST hated question as a homeschooler and for the rest of this post will be referred to as my MHQ for short. After homeschooling for as long as I have and doing it in the public for as long as I have, I’m just a little tired of hearing this question. So buckle up mom friends as I discuss why I hate this question and share some encouragement for you.
The point behind this post is for those of you who have ever found yourself wondering this for your own kids, I hope that after reading this post, you recognize that you don’t need to think this way or worry about that. Throughout this post, my heart is to encourage you.
Can we just pause for a minute and THINK!
Some people who ask the MHQ are genuinely curious about our thoughts, while others are attempting to plant a seed of doubt in us as mothers and educators, and at times are even planting that seed in our kids. The person who asks “but what about…xyz'' may have had a great experience with that “xyz” thing but that is not always the case for those attending public school.
Also, let’s pause right there and think about eternity and how much longer that is than any good thing that could be offered by public or private schools. Can we stop and think about the comparison of prom over knowing your child knows the word of God and is anchored in truth and will continue to walk with him for the rest of their days. Now I’m not saying we can’t do both, but what I am saying is the cold hard fact that it’s WAY harder to disciple your children when they go away for school as many hours as they do. Add in when they get older and you add in jobs, sports, and so forth. With all those things taking your child in different directions, you may not see your kid at all during the week.
And let’s be honest, going to a youth group on Sunday is not going to disciple your child into salvation and eternity with Christ. God charged us to do just that in Deuteronomy 6: 6-9 where he says “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” It is so important that we take God’s word seriously and don’t let others do the raising and discipling of our children.
So what are they “missing out” on?
The MHQ implies something when asked. There’s a connotation behind it that implies that the child is missing out on something meaning they are getting the shorter end of the stick. That they are missing out on the full experience of what that person believes your child somehow needs. That question implies that there is some type of better option that YOU’RE not giving your child. Why would someone want to plant a seed of doubt? That is why the question bothers me.
I’ll admit, my kids ARE missing out on a lot by being homeschooled. Let’s just name a few things they are “missing out on” shall we:
They are missing out on having to be concerned with school shootings.
They are missing out on being picked on.
They are missing out on being around children who are hypersexualized and/or sexually active.
They are missing out on being around children who are profane in their comments.
They are missing out on being around children who are under the influence of drugs and alcohol.
They are missing out on having to deal with peer pressure.
They are missing out on being bullied for being different.
They are missing out on having to deal with the indoctrination and agendas that are evident in public schools, even in conservative states.
They are missing out on being exhausted every day.
They are missing out on not being academically challenged.
And that is just to name a few. They are truly missing out on so many things.
A Different Perspective
When you decide to homeschool your kids, your kids will “miss out on” things. But I just shared 10 things that my teenagers are missing out on. Now visualize a balance scale. Put those ten things on the left side of the scale and take all the trivial things that our kids may miss out on prom, homecoming, school parties, field days, and more. Which side of the scale has more of an impact on their life for eternity? I can tell you it isn’t missing prom that's for sure.
So are your kids missing out? Yeah! They are going to miss some things and chances are they’re not very important at all. Chances are that what they miss out on in today’s “high school” experience is actually only going to benefit them because we are living in different times. We are living in a very different world than people lived in years ago. Let’s be honest, prom today is not prom 20 years ago.
So what are your kids missing out on? Are they missing out on opportunities? No, because homeschoolers today have just as many opportunities for their futures as kids who go to public school or private school so long as they have supportive parents that help them attain those things. Are they missing out on having a challenging education and being well-educated? No, they’re not so long as their parents are taking the initiative and providing resources for their children to learn at the speed which is best for them.
Encouraging words for a homeschool mama
There is nothing that the public or private school education system could offer my children that would make me say “My kids should go back to public school so they can have “that high school experience”. There is nothing that a public or private school can offer that is worth the trade of discipling, loving, supporting, encouraging, and teaching your children every single day of their lives the way God intended you to do so. They aren’t missing out on anything good, but instead, they are missing out on A LOT of things that are not good.
So take heart moms, the next time you are asked that question, ask yourself what are my children missing out on? Of course, there are things that homeschooled kids will not get to experience and maybe in the best-case scenario, there may be one or two things that would actually be fun for them. However, please understand that no education system is complete. Let us not think or fool ourselves into thinking that the public education system is somehow this complete whole system that kids go into and they come out of not missing out on anything. In my opinion, what they are missing out on in those systems would be way more catastrophic and way more damaging than what they would miss out on if they were homeschooled.
A Mindset Shift
Is there any way for your child to be educated and not miss out on anything? No. If they are in public school they are missing out on a lot of opportunities that homeschoolers have. It’s time for a mindset shift. Instead of asking yourself or listening to people ask you this question. Ask yourself this question: Are any of those things your child is “missing out on” worth the sacrifice of the other options? I’d confidently say NO. Don’t think for one minute that what they are “missing out on” is an equal trade for what they are missing out on at public schools today.
Don’t hear me wrong. I believe memories are important, and experiences with friends are important. And when my kids were young, I did struggle with this thought of “that would be fun to have a school field day or class parties”. But let’s be realistic, if those things are important to you, you can recreate those types of events at your home or with your friends.
Also, those may be fun events for kids at school but don’t forget that those only happen so often. As a homeschooling parent, you have the flexibility to include those types of things as often as you want. You have the freedom to go on a nature hike and enjoy studying nature, take a trip to the beach and study the waves or marine life, to take field trips whenever you want to enrich your child’s school and life experience. Kids in public schools aren’t getting that type of instruction. So are your kids really the ones missing out? Or are the ones that go to public school missing out? That may make that person with the MHQ tilt their head and think for a while.
Maybe next time they ask you that question, you dish it right back, respectfully. Say “No, I think my kids are receiving a wonderful experience at home. Do you think your kids are missing out? Do you think kids in public schools are missing out? Are they missing out on family time? Are they missing out on being with their siblings? Are they missing out on being discipled by you as the parent? Are they missing out on feeling safe and secure? Are they missing out on not having so much stress? Are they missing out on not having to be fearful while at school? Are they missing out on not having negative peer influences all around them all day long? Are they missing out on the violence that exists in our schools? I could go on and on, but I think you get the point. Maybe we should ask that person these questions if they feel the need to share their opinion about our kids missing out on something.
Well, that is it, my friends! I have shared my peace on this and if you want to hear more you can watch my YouTube video in my membership.
As I stated earlier, if you were having any doubts, I pray that this post helped you gain the confidence to press on and homeschool your precious babies. Soak in those times and love them in the easy and the difficult times. No one will ever love your kids more than you, except God, and he gave them to you. So steward them well.
Until next time friends!
