Overcoming Doubts and Fears about Homeschooling
“Me? Homeschool?” If someone had asked me about homeschooling nine plus years ago, this would probably have been my reaction. I was someone who had never thought of homeschooling nor been exposed to it. That is until I began seeking out alternative schooling options for my kids back in 2014. At the time, my oldest daughter, Kylee, was only seven years old and had just started first grade at our local elementary school. Kaleb, my second oldest, was entering Kindergarten, while my two younger children were at home with me.
When faced with the decision to homeschool or send my children to public school, I had my doubts and fears, like most of you have probably experienced when faced with this same decision. Ultimately, I took that leap of faith and began to homeschool, but it wasn’t without its challenges.
When I first started, I was ALL alone. I didn’t know any other homeschoolers in person so, during those first few years, I turned to YouTube and sought out virtual homeschool friends to get ideas about curriculums, schedules, and other homeschool advice. As I navigated through the beginning years of our family’s homeschool journey, I built confidence in my abilities, but those doubts and fears I began with crept up from time to time.
Now, with current events affecting the way children are being educated in public schools, many families are choosing to take that same leap of faith I did almost ten years ago. And while there are many more homeschool resources available to help inform these new homeschool families, concerns can still arise. So let’s dive in and analyze those doubts and fears and talk about three ways we can combat them.
#1 - Dig Down to the Root.
Let me ask you a few questions. Would you say you have doubts about yourself in general? What about when it comes to your homeschooling? If you are considering homeschool, do you doubt your ability to do so? If you are already homeschooling, do you have days when you doubt your capabilities?
Let’s dig a bit deeper. What are the top three things you doubt about yourself or about homeschooling? Is it finding the right curriculum, having enough space to homeschool, or maybe you wonder if your kids will listen to you as their teacher. Whatever it is, you are NOT alone.
Back in 2019, I conducted a very formal study, on Instagram, to see what doubts other homeschooling moms struggled with. When I presented the same questions I stated above, I was surprised by the feedback I received. The most common answer I received from homeschooling moms around the world was...“I am not enough” and “I am not doing enough”.
This led me to question myself and really reflect on my own heart. Where do our ideas of what is enough even come from? Who says what's enough? Who created these standards of "enough" that we are all just inevitably failing even though we show up every day trying our best.
Can this question of not being enough, or a fear of failing, rob us of the joy we get to partake in every day? Or worse, can it prevent us or talk us out of homeschooling all together? Even if you aren’t able to answer these questions right now, analyzing where the doubt stems from allows you to combat it.
Consider this, the voice we sometimes hear, that spreads doubt and fear in our minds, is really the voice of the adversary convincing us to abandon the calling God has placed on our lives. Don’t let the enemy steal, kill, and destroy your desire to homeschool. To God be the glory.
#2 - Ignore the Haters, Even if it's You!
Where does the doubt even come from? It doesn’t take long for us to identify places or conversations that have caused us to doubt our abilities as home educators. In fact, there are so many places that throw doubt our way, that sometimes, it's almost impossible to find the opposite.
When you feel bombarded, ask yourself: What encourages you in this homeschool journey? Who, what, and how are you encouraged? Whatever it is that helps you feel encouraged, it is something you need to continue to foster and spend your time with or doing.
Why do we as parents, but especially homeschool parents, always doubt ourselves and our choices? Why do we feel that strangers, who may or may not know our childrens’ hearts, are better equipped to teach and shepherd them than us? I truly believe that to overcome or improve at something we have to identify the heart of our issue. We all have them, some at a greater level than others, but I have never met a perfect parent and, on the flip side, I have never met a parent who thinks they are perfect.
In my own life, my self doubt has come from unkind words spoken over me and some social media comparisons, among other things. But ultimately, I have realized that the majority of my self doubt actually comes from MYSELF. The voice in my own head reveals doubtful thoughts about me and my abilities, whether it is my lack of messy craft projects or not nature journaling enough. These thoughts definitely came more at the beginning of my homeschool journey than they do now, but don't get me wrong, they still creep up from time to time.
Over the years, as I have worked through these thoughts, I realized that I was spending too much time focusing on my self-perceived inadequacies and weaknesses than focusing on all the other million things I was doing great, or were a strength and gift of mine. Once I started shifting my eyes, energy, and heart to these things, I started to worry less. Maybe you all can relate to that, but I started to notice the doubt slipping away.
Where we focus our minds and energy is where it goes. By focusing on our doubts we are giving away our precious energy by worrying why we aren’t enough. If we shift our minds away from that vicious mental cycle, we will start to experience more satisfaction in this wonderful, but difficult home education journey. We would start to breathe deeper and be able to relax our postures and soak up more of those precious moments and experiences we are all after anyway.
#3 - Perfection and Comparison…
♫ Let it go, let it go! ♫
As a homeschooling mom I know how much of our time, especially during the Summertime, is spent planning and dreaming and buying all the curriculum. We envision that flawless schedule, those engaging field trips, and all the thought provoking projects. We imagine those perfect moments where you’re cuddled up on the couch, engulfed in an amazing story, staring adoringly at one another, when one sibling says to the other just the sweetest most encouraging compliment.
You may ask yourself “Do these special moments really happen?” Yes, there will be those days, and nothing is wrong with planning and dreaming about those days. If you know anything about me, I totally am a planner and a scheduler. But I think visualizing those ideals too long in our minds is a breeding ground for self doubt, and feelings of inferiority. Because as soon as Tommy isn’t staring at his brother with heart eyes while the family reads aloud, then WE, the moms, are not doing it right. We immediately start self analyzing and doing an overhaul on ALL the systems because we just have to be doing something wrong to cause this behavior.
WE start changing our entire philosophy, switching all the curriculum, and googling learning styles for about NINETEEN hours. We start to doubt what we are doing, how well we are doing it, and begin to question if someone can do it better? This is especially true when we are home educating during hard seasons of life with our kids. We get a front row seat to ALL of the hormonal changes, all of the tough developmental years where hard days are the norm and the good feel fewer. It’s in those times where the fun lessons you had planned are met with eye rolls and tears instead of the smiles you had hoped for. And when those days turn into weeks or months, we can let those things start to create that doubt in our minds.
We start to wonder, maybe they’d be happier if they were taught by someone else? Maybe it's me? Maybe we spend too much time together? Maybe it's my curriculum choices?
Now of course, there is a time for an actual change, but it doesn’t always have to be so immediate for us to doubt ourselves. Our kids are human beings, not robots. And they will have bad days, and their attitudes and emotions are not always a mirror reflection of how great of a job we are doing or not. I think letting go of those ideals can help us remain confident in our choices and our methods amidst those trying weeks, months, or years.
Another thing I think we can all be reminded of continually is that no two of us are the same. Therefore no two of us will home educate in the same way. None of our children are the same therefore none of our family dynamics will be the same. We all have unique talents and gifts that benefit our homeschool and our families. Some of you may be musically inclined. To those of you who are, I am in constant awe of you. I can’t do anything in music so naturally and that's an area of my homeschool that causes me some doubt. But I can organize and multitask amazingly where that can be a struggle for some. It's not to say one is greater than the other, but lets all just vow this year, and each year that follows, to focus on what we do well versus what we don’t. I think that alone can transform us, and our thoughts.
“Therefore no two of us will home educate in the same way. None of our children are the same therefore none of our family dynamics will be the same. We all have unique talents and gifts that benefit our homeschool and our families.”
So as I close, I want to share THREE truths to help combat those doubting thoughts you may be experiencing.
We flourish when we let go of what we think should be and embrace what actually is. Whatever that means for you.There is no one on earth who loves your children more than you do! No one wants the best for them as much as you do and that will always trump methodology and certificates.There is no one who wants to see them succeed more and reach every star they’ve set their sights on in the sky. You are their biggest cheerleader!
I hope as you read this today, you are reminded that you're the best person for that job. Imperfections and doubt don't serve us, so each school year, let us focus more on our strengths than on those weaknesses. After all, I think that's a lesson we’d all want our kids to learn too.
Love,
Ashlee
