Caring for your WHOLE SELF
And how doing so allows your homeschool to THRIVE
Many of you already know my story of four children under four years old. During that span of my life, I felt I had nothing for myself. No time. No interests. I lost who I was as an individual in my kids. It's easy to do, especially as a mother. I had let myself disappear and this left me feeling depleted. This feeling ultimately led to burnout and defeat. That’s when I finally realized something: My identity is NOT my kids. I am still ME. The ME that God created uniquely and for a purpose.
Through this realization, along with conversations I’ve shared with you guys and with the many women I worked with as a personal trainer, I learned that there are a few critical areas that need regular tending. Now, it's completely impossible to write the perfect outline for every season of motherhood, because different seasons demand different things.
However, no matter the season of life you’re in, whether that be in the newborn and littles phase or the teenager stage, moving yourself up from LAST on your priority list to at least the TOP FIVE will not only allow you to be more joyful and pleasant in general but will also make your homeschool thrive. Why will it thrive? Because you aren’t going through each day of motherhood martyring the days away.
Ultimately, no one will force you to take care of yourself; you have to create that priority in your life for yourself. As the primary educators of our children, we are the most influential people in their lives and who they spend the most time with, and when you honestly think about your actions, what message is it sending to your children about motherhood? How do you feel about it?
I get it, guys, I really do; the days are hard and tiring and exhausting. I am not here to paint this picture of perfection or these unattainable ideals. I am here admitting to you all that there are more days than I like to admit where my temper gets the best of me, and I mumble and grumble about cleaning a spill for the 5th time that day, all the while the dogs track it through the house. But one thing I know to be true is that I am a lot more likely to respond poorly to those daily occurrences if I am running on EMPTY.
When I focus on what my actions are relaying to my kids, I ask myself, is motherhood just this frustrating task? Is it just a thankless, endless job? The answer is NO. Now think about this: Do I want to be sending a message, whether intentional or unintentional, that my children are burdens? Or, rather, do I want my reflection on them to be more joyous? The answer is obvious.
I heard it said so well from one of my online friends. I’m not sure where she got it, but the quote stuck with me and defined what I had been preaching to my fitness clients for years. It is what I also mean to convey here today. “Self-care doesn’t mean me first; it means me too.” Self-care is not based solely on vanity. So if it's not just makeup, nails, and facials, what is it?
I think it comes down to THREE areas of focus for our entire being: soul care, health care, and personal care. Let’s dive into each of these areas in more detail.
#1 - SOUL CARE
Faith – what does that look like for you?
What elements or components are VITAL for you to feel connected in this area? Is it prayer, service, fasting, missions? Is it quiet time spent reading God’s word or listening to worship music as you wash the dishes? We have all heard it repeated time and time again that, as moms, we can’t pour from an empty cup. Yet one of the most common struggles among all mothers is that very thing. And not just homeschooling moms, but all moms. We somehow think that it's perfectly ok for us to do absolutely nothing for ourselves.
We think that if we lead a life of complete and total sacrifice of even our basic human needs, we will somehow get it ALL DONE. That our daily to-do list trumps what our SOUL needs. That somehow, we will love our families better.
Ultimately, all these things we think do no such thing. Instead, they drain us, which in turn does nobody any good. We need something to fill us up; to replenish our souls. When we do that, we have more to offer not only for ourselves but for our family too. Ask yourself this: What fuels your heart? What sets your soul on fire? What leaves you filled up and ready to tackle the next day? Once you find out what it is, do it daily so you not only run on a FULL tank, but you have an overflowing amount to pour over your children and husband.
What I do:
Attend church every Sunday
Host a bible study because finding them was too hard for homeschoolers*
Read a faith-based book in my free time
Listen to uplifting music
#2 - HEALTH CARE
Daily fitness, nutrition, and the basic functions for the longevity of life
I could talk about fitness and nutrition all day long, but you’re not here for that. And I want to set this up, not from a vanity standpoint. When I talk about fitness, I speak about it from a scientific and health perspective, not just for looks. Ultimately, without health, we can’t do anything. I think we can all agree that our families want us around for a long time. We too, want to live long so we can enjoy every moment with our family. Every giggle, every adventure, every special day. That is why our health is so important.
Our health can be broken down into many areas, but NUTRITION is one of the most important. Not only do the foods we consume either prevent or feed disease, but they directly affect our moods and energy levels. How many days are you just scraping by with zero energy and just needing more? How often do you make food for yourself to eat rather than just picking up the scraps off our kids' plates? Eating better, and ACTUAL meals, throughout the day, will fuel your body to do what you’re asking of it, and what you ask of it is a lot.
In addition to nutrition, EXERCISE is equally important for your health. Exercise is the most beneficial antidepressant but the most underutilized. Exercising boosts our mood for the day, but it also, chemically, makes us happier, and who doesn’t want to be happier? I think many women just don’t know where to start, so they never do—also placing a tremendous amount of pressure on themselves to do it perfectly or not at all. It doesn’t have to be the perfect fitness plan if that's not what you're after. It's as simple as eating real foods multiple times a day, drinking plenty of water, and moving your body in some fashion for at least ONE HOUR a day. Ironing out this area demonstrates important lessons and values to your children about having healthy relationships with food and honoring their bodies. It also creates confidence and gives us the energy we need.
Lastly, one final area that I would stress in the area of health is SLEEP. Sleep is critical to health and mental well-being.
Taking care of our health takes discipline. It’s easy to make excuses, but striving to take care of yourself is important. Discipline comes when we sometimes do the things we don’t want to do because we know the benefit will be huge. You don’t have to do anything grand, just take baby steps and stay consistent. Over time your discipline in the small things will bring big rewards.
What I do:
Eat solid meals each day
Exercise in some way every day
Drink my water
Do things that make my body feel good and energized
Sleep enough
#3 - PERSONAL CARE
Hobbies, interests, passions, personal relationships, service, and more
God created you uniquely with your own gifts, talents, and passions. And while I know from personal experience that certain seasons of homeschooling and motherhood require more sacrifice in this area than others, maintaining some of these things or coming up with creative ways to incorporate them will lead you to a more satisfying day and life. I’ve seen so many women struggle with guilt for having a passion outside the home. But it's ok to have passions.
Whether you love to bake, read books, hang out with friends, or serve others in your church, MAKE TIME for it. It not only fills you up, but shows your children that having interests, hobbies, and meaningful relationships are important too.
What I do:
Share on YouTube
Listen to inspirational podcasts
Get a manicure and pedicure
Take annual girl trips
Find small things that bring me happiness: open windows, a lit candle, a new recipe, sitting outside in the sunshine.
“Self-care doesn’t mean me first; it means me too.”
As you leave here today, I hope you take with you the truth of just how important YOU are. YOU AS YOU. NOT MOM OR DAD YOU. NOT HOMESCHOOL TEACHER YOU, BUT YOU. Because without YOU, homeschooling can’t happen. And you are worth more than spare time and leftover food. You are an equally important member of your family, and if you wouldn’t ask your child to sacrifice it, then chances are it's something you shouldn’t be sacrificing either. When we take care of ourselves, we will be more confident, slower to anger, not resentful, kinder, and more patient. Not only are all of those tremendously important things for our homeschools, BUT also life, friendships, and marriages. Homeschooling is an immense blessing but also a massive undertaking, and I am a firm believer that we can not do it to the best of our abilities if our basic human needs are not being met.
Self-care isn’t selfish; it's the very thing that will help you and your home thrive.
Love,
Ashlee
